Who is at risk for being involved in unhealthy dating relationships? Low self-esteem is a critical factor. Some teens may feel that having a boyfriend or girlfriend proves their worth to the world, and may even believe that a bad relationship is better than no relationship at all. They are likely to have bought into our cultural mindset that not having a romantic relationship means there is something wrong with you. And it’s not just girls who are at risk: boys, too, can find themselves in harmful relationships.
In addition, kids who have grown up without positive role models for healthy relationships have not learned the necessary skills. They may not even realize that there is anything wrong with the way they behave in relationships because they don’t know anything else. They may also feel that there is something wrong within them that make them unworthy of better treatment.
What does a healthy relationship look like? Some key elements to focus on when talking with teens about this issue:
- In a healthy relationship, both people should feel that they are accepted, cared about, and valued for who they are. You shouldn’t have to pretend to be someone you aren’t to keep a relationship going.
- Partners should respect each other’s opinions, decisions, and boundaries. Both of you should have equal say in the choices made about the relationship. It’s unhealthy for one person to have significantly more control than the other.
- Relationships need to be built on trust. You shouldn’t have to give up your individuality to be a part of a couple. Partners should be comfortable in letting each other pursue independent activities and continue other friendships. Likewise, you need to be sure they are honest with each other to help maintain that trust.
- A caring partner is concerned about your well-being and wants what is best for you. They help you celebrate your successes (without jealousy) and support you in times of trouble.
- A relationship should feel emotionally and physically safe. In fact, a healthy relationship should be one of the places where you feel safest of all.
How can you help?
- Show respect, caring, and an awareness of boundaries. Kids emulate what they see. Make sure you provide a good role model for them.
- Watch your language. Kids can be very concrete. Language or humor that demonstrates disrespect, harassment, or attempts at controlling another person should be strictly avoided.
- Hold kids to a higher standard. If kids talk about or exhibit behavior that indicates something other than mutual respect in relationships, call them on it.
- Teach kids skills. Tell them what healthy relationships look like, and give them opportunities to talk about what they can do to make sure they treat significant others properly.
- Watch for warning signs. If you see indication that situations may be escalating into emotional abuse or dating violence, help steer kids towards agencies that can help. Listen and be supportive, and involve parents as appropriate to ensure kids’ safety.
You may also be interested in checking out Sexual Assault Awareness.
Susan Carney - I have been working as a middle school counselor with 6th and 7th grade students for the past thirteen years. I received a BA in ...
Join the Conversation